Fashion Weak!: “Compression Shorts” By Men Who Are Uncomfortable With Words That End In “-irdle

by Matty

I thought the Spanx thing was over. I thought we could shut up about which celebrities were wearing them and why people torture themselves to look good and how awkward it is when you get home with a girl and she takes off her dress to reveal a plastic bodysuit.

Most importantly, I thought we had established that men cannot wear them.

I was wrong. The Wall Street Journal is now reporting on the rise of “The Mirdle,” also known as “Compression Shorts”, “Support Boxers”, or “Bodywear” by men uncomfortable with words that end in “-irdle”. The WSJ quotes a mirdle-wearer who says they’re “part of men’s liberation. They help level the playing field for men and women.”

Hooray! Now everyone, regardless of gender, can feel objectified and sacrifice their comfort to present themselves as a fashion-conscious world would prefer them to look. Relationships can be based on a social contract to never admit that the other’s ass is fat and turn around while we remove our respective rubberized body-shaping suits!

Or you could man up, lay off the double luther burgers, do a situp every now and then, buy clothes that fit you and deal with it.

2 comments

1 june { 03.18.08 at 7:59 pm }

“Compression shorts” sounds painful. Like it might compress your balls right up into your body cavity.

2 Matty { 03.19.08 at 10:29 am }

But it doesn’t end in “-irdle.” I fully believe that men as a population would rather buy a product called the “Nut Vise” than the “Testicle Cozy.” We’re willing to wear a girdle just so long as it doesn’t make us sound effeminate when we’re eventually forced to tell someone how our pudgy pear-shaped gut turned into a firm cylinder overnight.

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