Dear Facebook, Eat A Dick. Love, Matty

by Matty

facebook.jpgThe following is an open letter to Facebook regarding their recent release of Facebook Chat.

Dear Facebook,

Thanks for introducing your wonderful new facebook chat application. Now I have a way to communicate with all my awesome facebook friends who can’t get in touch with me otherwise! It’s especially convenient for all the people with whom I’m facebook friends that don’t have any of my contact info. Like that girl I met at that party and never called, my former coworkers, people I haven’t spoken to since High School, my college mascot, or my ex-girlfriend’s pet bunny. I can’t believe I ever got by with no way for these people to get in touch with me! Really, thanks. I can’t tell you how much simpler and more convenient my social life has become since you came along.

Eat A Dick,
Matty

8 comments

1 Natasha VC { 03.20.08 at 3:52 pm }

My step-dad pokes me.

Wait, are we still talking about facebook?

2 june { 03.20.08 at 3:57 pm }

Now I can ask that stuck-up bitch Yvonne if she was being sarcastic when she said my lunchbox purse was cool back in 1989.

3 Natasha VC { 03.20.08 at 4:05 pm }

Yvone always talked shit. That bitch tried to front like she was a Paula Abdul fan, and WE ALL KNOW she was rocking Amy Grant.

I hope she’s dead now.

4 NeighSayer212 { 03.20.08 at 4:15 pm }

Hey, I had an ex-gf with a pet bunny with a facebook page. Oh wait, same girlfriend.

I killed that fucking bunny, dude. Then I served chips out of his coffin.

That, sadly, is the truest story I’ve ever told on HeyBeUs.

5 Matty { 03.20.08 at 4:18 pm }

Yvonne wouldn’t know a cool purse if she got shivved trying to buy a counterfeit Prada in the back room of a Chinatown noodle shop.

Now I have New Kids On The Block “The Right Stuff” stuck in my head, and I blame Natasha.

6 NeighSayer212 { 03.21.08 at 10:54 am }

First of all, it wasn’t on purpose. Also, I made the coffin.

Second, Natasha gave me this name. I resisted. Then she started beating me with a riding crop. I woke up 72 hours later in a Denny’s parking lot wearing a trash bag and a bridle. This name is tattooed backwards on the inside of my eyelids.

7 wonk-banned(twice!) { 03.24.08 at 7:35 am }

check out that old tart with the lisa loeb grandma edition glasses… hot! what? yall got tired of kickin’ it on myspace with all the pedophiles? facebook, a sophisticated group of copy ass mother fucking myspacers with their dicks cut off. that’s what they are….

8 Anonymous { 04.24.08 at 12:15 pm }

Yeah, because it’s not like they could have used the fucking Message feature already in place to contact you. Give me a break. If you don’t want contact with someone, don’t make them your “Friend”.

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