Category — fashion weak

Allahu Akbar!

But every so often she catches our ears by spouting some crazed nonsense that’s even more bizarre and paranoid than the usual rantings of the right-wing water-carriers.

When we look at this ad for Dunkin’ Donuts, we only wonder why the fuck Rachael Ray is wearing a warm scarf with a short-sleeved blouse. Thank god Ms. Malkin is here to inform us what’s really going on: Ray is sending coded messages of support to Palestine through her ugly accessories. No, really.

…Dunkin Donuts’ spokeswoman Rachel Ray’s clueless sporting of a jihadi chic keffiyeh in a recent DD ad campaign. I’m hoping her hate couture choice was spurred more by ignorance than ideology.

Michelle honey, it’s just a damn scarf. Wipe the rabid foam from your chin and relax with a cool cup of DD iced coffee. We recommend decaf.

Via Sadly, No!

Hey, remember the hiptard who made those Yeah, I had totally forgotten about him ten minutes later, too, except for that time when he commented “anonymously” on HeyBeUs and I called him hackneyed.

His new shirt says “Jews Against Obama” and he’s got a new schtick to match it. No more “I’m punk rock and hipster ironic,” now he’s a gay Jewish bigot, and he’s got some hate to spew:

The majority of the Jews – at least the ones that are proud of their religion and practice it – like me, don’t want to see Obama – a man who’s middle name is Hussein, and his family from his Kenyan father’s side is Muslim, as the leader of this great country.

He hasn’t changed the price tag, though: still $250.

I made a shirt, too! I’m an artist! Put me in a museum! Mine’s only $15, it’s more clever than yours, and I don’t get any of the profit, so I’m selfless to boot! Hey, press folks! Email me for an interview. I’ve got the hatred, and I can even promise to be drunk when you talk to me! If that’s not journalism, then WHY THE FUCK AM I READING ABOUT THIS DOUCHE FOR THE SECOND TIME. [Read more →]

That’s nott hott

Scene, really? Are the kids still into that? That’s so Bush’s first term.

Well, I guess we shouldn’t hold him to the same exacting standards as Gareth Pugh; Perez thinks Photoshopping a coke moustache onto a photo of Britney Spears is still as screamingly hilarious today as it was the first 27,000 times he did it. Clearly, originality is not his strong suit.

We just hope he doesn’t fashion future designs by using the wikiHow for How To Be A Scene Kid as a guide, as wikiVandals have obviously been having fun with the page:

Stock up on band shirts and graphic shirts. If you’ve done your music research, load up on classic band t-shirts (i.e. Enter Shikari). Get the tightest fitting t-shirt, within reason. Don’t wear crew necks often, as they can be very unflattering.

Scene kids should listen to “Conway Twitty”, “Jimmy Buffet”, “Harry Chapin” and “Brook Benton”.

You’d have bitchface too if you had to wear this idiotic get-up

Do they not teach fashion students nowadays that the first requirement of clothing is that it’s meant to be worn? And by actual human beings, not immobile dummies. We ask because, after seeing Gareth Pugh’s Fall 2008 collection, we’re not sure.

Allegedly a “darling of the fashion elite”, prior to Spring 2007 he hadn’t sold a single dress, claiming his creations were “catwalk experiments”, and had to be forced out of his squat by court order. We’re all for starving artists and holding out against selling out, but it just seems stupid when your chosen art form is something as utilitarian as clothing. It’s like claiming you’re a toilet paper designer, then making toilet paper out of steel wool.

Also, the drab colors in that line make us want to double up on our Zoloft.

A bit crass, but I dig it! Alternate word for vagina: shame-cave.

via Vice

We’ve been continuing to research this whole disappearing bees thing, and it turns out not all of them are off killing Nicholas Cage. Some of them have been hivenapped to be used as material in a sinister genetic experimentation, and we have the proof:

White yuppie suburbanite crossbreeding has GONE TOO FAR. THE BEEDOGS WILL SURELY DESTROY US ALL.

Go here to learn more. Knowledge is power! Save yourself!

[Read more →]

 Carrie Denny writes a pretty good article for Philadelphia Magazine about the weird trend of tween girls getting extensive spa treatments and make-overs. I qualify it as “pretty good” because she places sole blame squarely on the shoulders of the mothers of these girls, and I don’t think that’s really fair.

There you have it — the new norm for young, privileged, growing girls. It’s not just designer clothes, luxury cars, and the best-of-the-best in schools, lessons and tutors: It’s narcissism, and it’s inherited from — no, encouraged by — Mom. Mom, who not only lifts, tans and waxes herself into oblivion, but who has now turned her attentions to her daughter, hauling her from spa to spa before the school pictures, the big dance, or, well, just because — for facial after blowout after wax.

[Read more →]

Fashion Icon: Come on all you LOLcat geniuses. This One is begging for it!

What is it about Spring that makes all the designers start smoking crack? Last year it was John Galliano’s Dérélicte rip-off; this year Roberto Cavalli announces he wants Amy Winehouse to be the face of his upcoming season. People, do we even need to point out why this is a bad idea? Don’t get us wrong we have lip synced to Amy several times in the mirror, at bars, and in various clinics. But this girl cannot get her shit together. At least Kate Moss had the decency to wipe the drugs off her face before showing up to her day job.

We don’t know if Seigneur Cavalli has any plans for a line of Amy-inspired accessories, but if he’s interested we’ve started a list, including:

• Ratty, drug sullied beehive wigs –these will have a great mark-up, because you can find them abandoned by old hookers in bus station restrooms.

• Rub-on cigarette burns, chancer sores, and tooth-blackener

• An abusive, frequently incarcerated, loathesome hot mess of a husband.

We’ve got dozens more, and we’ll sell ‘em cheap! No shame here. We need the money for bandwidth and fashionable condoms ! Call us, Roberto!

You are either fancy free in your summer dress or you’re keeping it casual in your jeans, its either one or the other. Doing both makes you like an eight year old who decided to wear everything she could find on the floor of her room. You know the one: she would always show up late to your second grade class wearing a shirt, a vest, jacket, jeans, skirt over her jeans, slap bracelets, multiple colored socks, bruises from her step dad, whatever.You look bad when you wear long, flowing shit over your jeans ladies. You look pregnant –and not hot Angelina preggers, but Kirstie Alley preggers: all blotated and angry.

And you when match your long, flowing, lame wedge heels then you are just asking for random acts of violence to be committed against you.

CUT THIS SHIT OUT.

It makes my eyes all bleedy.

image via Gofugyourself

Shiv-worthy Chic

The Hiptard behind it all, Doron “Apollo” Braunshtein, claims that all the people who have been leaving him angry messages and death threats “just don’t get hipster irony.” As if that weren’t enough, his interview with the NY Press continued:

“I’m very punk rock… They don’t understand what I’m doing. They think I’m spreading hate. Could you imagine if Obama were killed? They might blame me. Then I’d be taken to jail and have to have prison sex.”

Like, ohmigod Apollo! You’re so tortured, you must be an artist! But don’t worry — I understand you. You’re selling mindlessly crass sweatshirts for extortion-level prices and then crying like a bitch with a skinned knee to score free marketing in the backlash. That way, you can make money without thinking, working or creating any value whatsoever in society.

COMMUNICATING BADLY AND THEN ACTING SMUG WHEN YOU’RE MISUNDERSTOOD IS NOT CLEVERNESS.

Gawker points out that Apollo has already humped this tired hag of an idea once, charging $250 for a safety-pin-bedecked t-shirt that read “Who Killed Anna Wintour.” At least that time, he had something to say about fashion. This time, he’s just running low on trust fund capital to buy meth and amyl nitrate.

via Gothamist, Racked

I thought the Spanx thing was over. I thought we could shut up about which celebrities were wearing them and why people torture themselves to look good and how awkward it is when you get home with a girl and she takes off her dress to reveal a plastic bodysuit.

Most importantly, I thought we had established that men cannot wear them.

I was wrong. The Wall Street Journal is now reporting on the rise of “The Mirdle,” also known as “Compression Shorts”, “Support Boxers”, or “Bodywear” by men uncomfortable with words that end in “-irdle”. The WSJ quotes a mirdle-wearer who says they’re “part of men’s liberation. They help level the playing field for men and women.”

Hooray! Now everyone, regardless of gender, can feel objectified and sacrifice their comfort to present themselves as a fashion-conscious world would prefer them to look. Relationships can be based on a social contract to never admit that the other’s ass is fat and turn around while we remove our respective rubberized body-shaping suits!

Or you could man up, lay off the double luther burgers, do a situp every now and then, buy clothes that fit you and deal with it.

I think we’ve all seen Crocs, which are all fun and games until someone loses a toe, and we can agree that they have no place on city streets or in public places.

Now, they have crocs mating with other shoes — the most disturbing of which are what I like to call “Crucks”, a croc mated with a pair of duck boots. Despite the humor in thinking about a crocodile and a mallard trying to make penis-and-vagina, these shoes are both stupid and useless. It’s like a rain boot with a flip-flop on bottom! Why?

“Cruggs“ which are crocs with a fuzzy shearling liner like Uggs. I’m almost amazed by these, because Crocs has managed to make Uggs — which are comfortable but ugly — worse, by making them comfortable and twice as ugly, and now made of plastic with holes in it. You cannot adapt a sandal with holes all over it to be a winter shoe, because if you do, you get this.

Maybe if we had been able to get in front of the uggs phenomenon like this, there wouldn’t be girls who still think they look cute with a denim miniskirt with the faux-ripped fringe. Let’s not make that mistake twice. Think of the children.