Category — iraq: we love this place!

Bush says he’s not a golfer in wartime: President Bush said yesterday that he gave up golfing in 2003 “in solidarity” with the families of soldiers who were dying in Iraq, concluding that it was “just not worth it anymore” to play the sport in a time of war.

It’s true, very few families who’ve lost loved ones in a horrific bloodbath take the time to walk around a spacious park-like setting and wack little white balls with metal clubs. He’s a saint!

The time he used to spend golfing will now be devoted to mountain biking, falling off his Segway, and napping.

Take that, terrorists!

Portions of Saddam Hussein’s prison diary were published yesterday in a leading Arab newspaper. His biggest fear while imprisoned turns out to have been not Gitmo-style torture or execution, but catching AIDS or some other “HIV disease”, because some of the soldiers were using his clothesline to dry their laundry.

“I explained to them that they are young and they could have young people’s diseases. My main concern was to not catch a venereal disease, an HIV disease, in this place.”

Apparently Saddam never saw that Very Special Episode of Mr. Belvedere where the little boy had AIDS, and it taught us all how you don’t have to be a needle-sharing anal sex freak to get AIDS; and more importantly, you can’t get it through casual contact, so don’t treat people with AIDS like lepers. If he had he probably would have known that you shouldn’t write in your diary, if you are a deposed dictator and it’s almost certainly going to be published one day, how you feared getting it from a god damn clothesline, because you’ll look like a fucking idiot.

I still think hiring this guy made him look stupider, though.