Category — LOLconomics

Fear not future victims of our impending recession. If we follow Diddy, we can save ourselves.

“So if the music industry’s getting cannibalized by the Internet, I figure out how to work with it, I figure out how to survive. You throw me in the jungle butt-naked, I come out with a lion’s head, some bearskins, and a bunch of food. I may be driving a Maybach.” —Diddy on his ability to survive the tough times [AP via Yahoo]

Also, Diddy just got a star on the H-Wood walk of fame. Here’s a congrats video made for Diddy, by Diddy.

Oh good, it’s another douchebaggy evo-psych “science” report: Sex and financial risk linked in brain. Wondering why we’re teetering on the brink of recession, about to plunge headlong? Is it because of corporate greed and deregulation, a war that’s dragged on for years, a government who caters to the top 1% wealthiest elite?

No, you silly gals! It’s all because of your boobs!

A new brain-scan study may help explain what’s going on in the minds of financial titans when they take risky monetary gambles — sex. When young men were shown erotic pictures, they were more likely to make a larger financial gamble than if they were shown a picture of something scary, such a snake, or something neutral, such as a stapler, university researchers reported.

The study used 15 male heterosexual college students, which is totally representative of all sectors of financial America. They didn’t bother to scan women (although that didn’t stop one of the authors from making a joke about women and chocolate that is more tired than John McCain after running the Boston Marathon–Haw haw! Those wacky girls and their lust for the cocoa bean!) because they weren’t sure what aroused women.

Well, not being blamed for this shitty economy would be a good start, guys.

 

Have you heard the news? Times is hard. We may be headed for another Great Depression. But the 1930s sure do need some twenty-first century sprucing up! A few ideas:

• Kanye West remixes of Woody Guthrie songs
• Annie Leibovitz photographs of Scarlet Johansson and Anne Hathaway holding babies and looking dirty and severe.
• The Travel Channel presents the “100 Best Bread Lines” in Los Angeles
• “America’s Next Top Migrant Farm Worker”
• A nation turns its lonely eyes to Rihanna.
• NBC starts running “Deal or New Deal”. The suitcases are stuffed with starving orphans instead of money.
• Girls of the Lower East Side Tenement District Gone Wild!
• President Obama begins his fireside podcast chats
• Crippled economy wishes to could back to spending its money on stupid shit, spinning rims, and Wiis.

See you on Black Thursday!