Category — the queer folk

* PNP means “Party and Play”. It’s a gay thang. Means you’re down to do meth/coke and fuck strangers.The more you know!

If you claim to have smoked crack and blown the Democratic Presidential nominee, YOU might be in the pockets of desperate conservatives!

If you haven’t heard of Larry Sinclair, it’s because only the wingnuttiest of conservatives (think people who make Michelle Malkin look reasoned and intelligent) are using him as ammo against Obama. He’s put a video on YouTube where he claims to have done cocaine (he makes sure to elaborate that while it was powdered coke for him, Obama smoked crack, because that’s what black people do) and blown him in a limo in the late ’90s. Oh, and apparently Obama gave the total stranger he cruised for gay sex and drugs his real name and position, because he’s just that stupid.

Sinclair has a decades-long criminal record of fraud and petty crime, and has oustanding warrants in Colorado. So does he lay low and continue to sling mud from the relative anonymity of the internet? No, he calls a press conference in Washington DC, which results in 2 US Marshalls showing up and hauling him off. Genius!

Oh, and did we mention his lawyer?

It got worse when Sinclair’s lawyer Montgomery Sibley—whose license is currently suspended in D.C. and Florida—showed up in a kilt and told reporters that his above-average endowment made slacks tight and uncomfortable.

Welcome to WTFville. I imagine we’ll be taking quite a few more trips there between now and November.

Hat tips to Pandagon and Reason.

It’s gay pride week in DC. Let’s see what the self proclaimed king of hip hop has to say about it: “I ain’t into faggots,” 50 Cent told Playboy. “I don’t like gay people around me, because I’m not comfortable with what their thoughts are.”

In response openly gay rapper Deadlee stated:

“Fuck him. I don’t like ignorant bitches around me, so he can suck my gun”

AH! YES!!Wanna know whose more homophobic Rappers or Pastors — take the Radar Quiz.

Ya’ll ask me what I’m doing tonight. Ok, I’m going to see my long lost sister/ project runway winner Christian Siriano sashay across some in district dive (Town on U-street). Hyped.

“Don’t these bitches know that I’m.. way better than them?” - Christian

Really? This is what counts as creativity these days? This is pushing the envelope of cultural taboos? This is risque? I’ve seen more provocative imagery in Disney underwear ads.

Judging from these cheesey, gimicky magazines shoots which feature a K.D.Lang inspired Jessica Simpson, and a Chaplin-esque Alba, it seems fashion editors, photographers, and celebrities aren’t getting enough attention so they incorporate some light “gender-bending “androgyny” into their creative vision.

Never mind that women’s magazines think any girl who doesn’t apply makeup like JonBenet Ramsey is “earthy”, or that ladies in pants are apparently still newsworthy in 2008.

Forgive me for having a hard time seeing Jessica “Virgin Until Marriage” Simpson or Jessica “Has shown up in Maxim every other month since 1999” Alba as subverting conventional images of women.

No pair of suspenders, rakishly tilted fedora, or dollop of men’s shaving cream can erase what Sweet Kisses and Good Luck Chuck have contributed to modern gender discourse.

So to starlets who fancy themselves bold and provocative for donning drag – Marlene Dietrich and Katharine Hepburn beat you to it, like, seventy years ago.

Get back to me when you show up on a magazine cover with a real mustache.

Possible replacement for the elephant as symbol of the GOP. Elephant testicles are too leathery to be palatable.

Former Republican Senator and Governor of Nevada, Paul Laxalt, was hosting an annual all-male, all-GOP “lamb fry” dinner in Georgetown, when he choked and had to be Heimliched by former campaign aids for Huckabee and Romney.

“Lamb fries” are, of course, the cutesy name given to fried sheep’s testicles.

So, a group of misogynists leave the little wives at home to go hang out in a testosterone-laden gathering and put animal testicles in their mouths. One of them can’t handle the mouthfull of balls, so a couple of servant boys dogpile him and aggressively dry hump him from behind.

People, if there is one thing the GOP does way better than the Democrats, it’s kink.

Meet The Olds

Repeat after me: PROTECT THE BRAND.

Steve Jobs understands this. Jack Nicholson understands this. Marlo Stanfield understood this too well.

De Niro and Pacino don’t: they have destroyed their brands. They we’re the triumphs of ‘New Hollywood’ set. Sometimes ugly and gruff, nevertheless, the two were electrifying throughout the first half of their careers. Now, in their twilight, they have become fucking cartoons. Rather than cherry pick their parts with extreme prejudice, these two mopes sold out and cashed in on their brand. A great piece in the LA times depicts their downfall:

“I don’t envy Pacino or De Niro. They’re in a bind, having come of age at a time when actors could still get provocative dramas made without everyone having to work for peanuts. Today they’re grumpy old men, relegated to raking in loot from cartoonish comedy and generic thrillers.”

How the mighty have fallen (here’s a superb list of other oscar winners have sullied their brand. For some reason they include Nicholas Cage! Wtf?!). But the good news is that another group of masters have returned. The motherfuckin’ Kids In The Hall are back together and are in glorious form. The Kids in The Hall brand is comedy legend. No sketch show has compared. And after 5 seasons, when material ran dry they called it quits, and unlike Jordan wearing the 4-5 or my boy HOVA , these fuckers are at the top of their game. See their newest sketch after the jump — it’s called “car fuckers”

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Some people have decided that Ellen Page’s SNL sketch was a sly way for the cheeky tomboy to let us know she digs girls while simultaneously rolling her sarcastic-teenager-eyes at us for even caring.

Didn’t sexual orientation labels go out with sunflower hats and frayed denim?

I’m not sure what we can gather about Page’s sexuality from this skit, but I do think it brings up some interesting lesbian generational clashes, namely that dykes under forty don’t go to Melissa Etheridge concerts.

Etheridge is your mother’s lesbian, a member of the Old Guard in the archives of herstory, a relic from the era when the only requisite prop for the hit act at a womyn’s music festival was an acoustic guitar. These days you’ll need a mustache, a strap on dildo, or an identical twin to have any cred whatsoever.

The SNL skit did have one relevant line. “What’s a lesbian?” begs Page’s character defensively, as though Glinda had just asked if she was a good witch or a bad witch. Andy Samberg has the obvious answer: lesbians are ladies who have sex with each other.

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FACT: There are pesky, overactive parents all across America.

The ones in LA and NYC want biodegradable lactose free lunches and prefer “Winter Break” over the hopelessly passé “Christmas Vacation.”

The ones in Loudoun County, Virginia didn’t want their kids reading a picture book about two male penguins that hatched an egg together.

You decide who is more annoying.

The book in question, And Tango Makes Three, (not to be confused with the 1999 Neve Campbell EPIC film Three to Tango! ) tells the true story of Roy and Silo, two penguins at the New York Central Park Zoo who were totally gay for each other.The book never once mentions “anal sex” or “HIV” or “Tim Gunn.”

Curious readers may be disappointed that author Peter Parnell never reveals which gay penguin is the Bottom and which one is the straight-acting Top (my money is on the aggressive Silo). Nevertheless, the book obviously thrusts The Gay Agenda into the innocent faces of our children, leading one parent to demand its prompt removal from school libraries.

As compelling an argument as this boring, sex-starved person probably had, it was no match for Superintendent Edgar Hatrick, who decided that Tango is here to stay –even though his arrival was due to some Dewey- decimal procedural error. Ha! No take backs! Gays win!

This is certainly a victory for everyone being raised by same sex bird couples, but I can’t help thinking that it might be a little fun to arbitrarily pull books from school libraries based solely on personal taste.

If I had my way, Bridget Jones’ Diary would be the first to go, because of its depiction of heterosexual women as pathetic, desperate, self-indulgent slobs. Also, I’d get rid of Charles Dickens and Nathanial Hawthorne, since they are about as relevant to students’ lives in 2008 as the Chattanooga Choo-Choo. And finally, toss out all the dorky fantasy wizard-and-dragon stuff: I feel ugly and unpopular just glancing at it.